Publix has Angels? Which Aisle can I buy one of those?

I just had the most amazing experience, I feel like I am on a high from it.

So I went to Publix to pick up some stuff for the grill. I bought something that was buy one get one and it was the wrong thing, but the nice manager ( whom I have NEVER seen there before) gave it to me anyways. I went out to my car to put the stuff in my trunk. A man came up on a bike and asked for 45 cents so he could ride his bike down to get a cheeseburger from McDonalds. I checked my purse, but I had no change. ( We had thrown my change in a fountain the night prior.) I said I am so sorry , I dont ever carry cash. he said thank you anyways and pedaled to the front of the store. I put my groceries away and got in the car. I got a tugging in my chest. I call this CONVICTION. I watched the man for a few minutes. I saw him pick a cigarette butt off the ground, examine it and put it in his pocket. I saw him looking around for more. Found one and asked someone to light it for him. More tugging in chest. I struggled. I wanted to get him a sandwich. I sat there for another minute - though it seemed like eternity. He sat there staring off blankly into the crowd of people shopping, going in and out of the store. I called L.J.

"Honey?"
"Yeah?"
"A man just asked me for 49 cents for a burger, may I buy him a sandwich I feel extremly convicted."
"Of course"
"Ok call you in a bit"
"ok love ya"
"love ya too"
"bye"

I got back out of my car and headed towards him.
I dont know why, but I had tears in my eyes, I was kinda scared. I asked him, "May I please buy you a sandwich?"
"umm, okay"
"will you come with me so you can pick it out"
"I dont want my bike to get stolen, its okay..."
" I will go get you one, what do you like"
" I like anything"
"ok be right back"
"really? thank you."

I go back inside, order him a sub, get EVERYTHING I can jam on it. And go get him the biggest reddest apple I can find and head to the front. I saw a rack of chips so I was trying to decide what to get. The manager who gave me the buy one get one was standing there and said, "Oh back again?"
"There is a man outside who is very hungry, so I am buying him a sandwich."
"And you know this because?"
"Because he asked me for 49 cents.""
"Really, he says , huh."
So I go into the check out line. Waiting my turn. The manager comes up after a few minutes and says to the cashier, do not ring up the sub. I looked at him in disbelief, " Thank you"
The cashier did as she was asked and I paid 2 dollars. I went up to the manager again to thank him again for his kindness. His reply... "Thank YOU." I smiled and happily went out to the man.
He was there waiting, still on his bike. I Said here ya go, and I even got you an apple. A smile.
He touched my arm and kindly said "Thank you so much."
I said "God Bless you, and keep you safe."
"Really, Ma'am, Thank you"
"Stay blessed"
I turned around and started back to the car. I turned around again to smile and wave good bye and he disappeared. I mean like in spooky disappear. He was gone, no where in the parking lot, no where in sight. Where the heck did he go? Goosebumps - Jesus Bumps.
Was that a test from the Lord? I will never know. But it was a blessing to me to help someone and to bless them. Praise your name Lord. And thank you for using me as your tool on this earth. I really hope that man has a great night and a full belly.

The Car Accident

Friday, October 15th, 2010.

This was the day I was the most scared I have EVER been in my life.

The day started great, we went to the beach because we had tons of family in town. Now, I wasn't supposed to go, because the day before Dakota was diagnosed with a ruptured ear drum. And he was supposed to keep his ear dry for a few days. But I never listen. So we went anyways. We had a great day, splashing in the gulf and then back to the pool. We had to get Skylar home because it was her dads weekend so we left around 3:30. I figured this would give us enough time to get her home and showered before he came at 5pm.

We were traveling north on Pasadena. And for those of you who know me, you know my fear of bridges. I hate them. I constantly have dreams that I am falling off of a bridge in my car and I have to somehow get my kids out without drowning. I know this is awful, but it is my BIGGEST fear in life.

So we are starting to go over the bridge on Pasadena. I am trying to pay attention.

I hear a loud Screeeeeeeeeeching of tires. The SUV in front of me has slammed on his brakes. I have plenty of room to slam on mine. But...

My car keeps sliding. We were on the metal part of the drawbridge and we slide...

I knew we were going to impact the car in front, so I made a choice.

I swerved into the right lane.

BAM.

Hit once, car pushed into guard rail. My worst nightmare... OMGosh will it come true?? We were facing the water, I instantly looked back at Kota, his neck is not strong....

BAM.

Hit again. My head slams against the head rest. OWWWWWW. Dear Lord just get me off this bridge.

The second hit, pushed us back even with the road. I pushed the gas petal and made my way off the bridge. Panicked and crying I kept asking Skylar and Dakota is there were okay, did they have owwies? Everyone seemed fine, but my head was killing me. The woman who hit me pulled up next to me in her fancy SUV.

My first call was to LJ who had left 5 minutes before me. TURN AROUND we were just hit, I am so scared.

My second call was to 911. I was screaming crying and in a panic. The woman next to me rolled down her window, are you okay. Me - I hit my head pretty hard. She rolls her window back up and pulls up away from me.

Paramedics arrive, police arrive, LJ arrives. My head was spinning. Skylar was fine she said nothing hurt, she played her DS thru the whole accident. Thank God. Dakota cant tell me if he is okay. Though he appears to be fine, I still am paranoid about his neck. The ambulance takes Dakota and I to Bayfront. The woman drives away fine with a small dent in her front bumper, claiming to have errands to run. Yes, Seriously.

My grandparents came and picked up Skylar so she could go to her Dads as planned. I checked on her all weekend, she was fine.

At the hospital, LJ, his mom and dad and my mom all show up. I demanded they check out Dakota first. He was fine. no injuries. I was having cramping from the seat belt. Off to ultrasound with LJ. Little Eli had his hands behind his head all relaxed. Glad someone is relaxed i say to the tech.

All in all we are all okay. I have a huge Goose Egg behind my ear where I hit the head rest. Some back pain. But I am alive and I didn't face my worst fear. We made it off the bridge. My car was totalled. Undrivable.

Reality sets in. What am I going to do.

I called in my claim to my insurance just to find out, that my "full coverage" did not include collision. They will not cover my damage. Nor will the woman who hit me. They said it was my fault. My car was "out of control". I am stuck. I still owe about 10 payments on the car, and it isn't drivable. Seriously?

We went through several options, we tried to trade it in. Didn't work out. Tried to look up cars on Craigs List, didn't work out. took the car to our family mechanic - who we trust will all we have...

He tells us, that where the frame is bent, isn't really too bad. All we have to do is pull out the fender, and it will be okay for short trips. No highway. No driving over 45. No one sits on that side of the car.
If we get hit in that same spot it could be fatal. EEK. But it is fixable.

Today is Tuesday, October 19th, 2010.
LJ fixed the car, well kinda. It drives. It isn't pretty but it works. Everyone who knows me, knows how much I love my car. I am emotionally attached. and so very excited it is still mine and it still drives.

Praise the Lord for small miracles.



The accident:

The fix by LJ:

Please let this be a lesson, please check your insurance and make sure you have collision. It will save you THOUSANDS in the long run.

Praise the Lord for our lives. Praise the Lord for an answer, and quickly to our prayers.

Tampa Bays Annual BUDDY WALK - Raising Awareness for Down Syndrome

This is our 6th Year attending. This is our 4th Year winning a trophy for our shirts. YAY! We got first place this year. God gave me a mind of a genius, haha, just kidding. But he did deliver the idea to me and I ran with it.

So, the idea behind the shirt?

Dakota is going through this "thing". When he gets over stimulated he has these episodes. These episodes look very similar to seizures. We only know they are NOT seizures because we had him tested. Twice. His body stiffens his eyes roll back and he looks, well, just weird. We have gotten pretty used to them. but they happen everywhere, while I am grocery shopping, while we are dining out, when we are visiting friends, when we are at playgrounds. And people stare. They stare HARD. Some of them point and whisper. Some of them look appalled. It makes me feel like a circus freak show. And it isn't fair to my child. And I so badly want to walk up to them and say QUIT STARING, JUST ASK! Ask me what my son has, don't ask me what is wrong with him.
So, that saying, made it to the front of the shirt. IN Very Large PRINT. So those who stare can read it clearly. And on the back, are some of the top things I get asked, when they do ask.

Yes, Dakota has Down Syndrome
No, it is not a disease.
Yes, he is handicapped.
No, he is not retarded.
Yes, he is a sweet boy.
No, he is not sweet all the time.
Yes, we are very blessed.
No, we have no regrets.

You would be amazed at what people have come up and said or asked me. And my son is only 5. Imagine the people who have children with Down Syndrome who are much older. They have had many more years to be offended. When I told a few people about the design for this year, they said, "Well aren't you afraid of offending people?" UMMMM, Are they NOT offending me by staring?? Hmm, just saying...

So, this year we had a minor dilemma with our shirts. The woman who usually does them for us - cancelled. Which was not really a big deal, until it came down to crunch time and I had no idea what I was going to do.

This is when the Good Lord stepped in. Thank you Heavenly Father, I love you !!

An old friend of mine, with whom I haven't spoken to in over 6 years, popped up on my facebook. Saying he wanted to help. Wouldn't you know this man orchestrated a whole deal to get us shirts and have them paid for. He found people who didn't even know our family or know about Down Syndrome, or know about the Buddy Walk, to just donate money. Thank God for having people like that still out there. So a big shout out to all those who assisted us in our shirts this year!

The shirts came out awesome, but do you know what is more awesome??
Dakotas Dream Team DOUBLED in size this year!

Look at us all! What an impact we made! All of these peoples hearts have been softened to Dakota and the Down Syndrome cross he has to bear! How glorious!

If it weren't for all the people in this picture, I do not know how I would survive. They are AMAZING friends through and through! Thank you all for supporting us!

My Grandparents even came! They had just drove all the way down from Massachusetts, the previous night, Were exhausted, but still managed to make it bright and early the next morning! Thanks Nana and Papa L.

People say Ignorance is Bliss. But its really not. Its shameful. You know what is bliss??

Having Dakota in my life.

Thank you God for choosing me to be his mom. I wont let You down!



UPDATE: We made it into the Clearwater Gazette!
http://www.clearwatergazette.com/20101014/buddy.html
Check us out!

It's a ..... BABY!

Yesterday, October 4th, L.J. and I found out the sex of our baby.

Here is what happened - you know it wasn't just as easy as that, right?!?!

L.J. had to work that day, so my mom got to go with me. She says, " I am so excited I could pee my pants." Yes, she really did say that. Yes I really was embarrassed! We went to the imaging place, because my doctors office doesn't do it there. The nice woman who did the sonogram was so kind. Especially with my mother there jumping around like she had ants in her pants. She told me as I laid down that I am not far along enough, and she may not be able to tell the sex. UGH, disappointment, as this is the only sonogram my insurance will pay for. I told her, " I will seriously have a melt down on this table, please try hard!" Then, I added, " No, seriously, I am not kidding." So she is looking around and says, " Ugh, the umbilical cord is in between its legs, I wont be able to tell." UGH, disappointment. So, she gets a call. She says she has to take it because some important stuff was going on. When she got up, I looked at my mom. I took my hand and mushed and pushed and poked my belly. Please, baby, cooperate! She came back from her call, and tried one more time. AHA, she says. Aha, what?!?!?!

Sono Tech: "I see it"
Me: See what????
Sono Tech: I see it!
My mom: OMGosh!
Me: WHAT?!?!?!
Sono Tech: Its a penis!
Me: Praise The Lord!
Mom: ~crying~
Me: ~Tears of Joy~
Mom: I KNEW it!
Me: YESSSSSSSSSS
Sono Tech: Its def a boy!

So there we go...

L.J. and I are having a BOY!

His name will be Eli Simpson Merritt

Eli, because we wanted something biblical, and because of my Mom of course, Elizabeth.
Simpson, because my Dad has no boys, and we wanted to honor him and my grandfather by passing down the name.

Well, Eli, it was so nice to see you. I cant wait for you to see me.

Oh also, they upped my due date to March 10th, because he was measuring big. They said he was measuring 17 weeks and 4 days. I thought I was 16 weeks and 3 days. Interesting. Either I am having a huge baby, or I was further along then I suspected.

So there ya have it!
It's a boy!

Panic!

Thursday morning started like any other. I got up to my alarm, woke up my son. ( I do not have my daughter on Thursday mornings.) And started my day. Got in the shower, gave my son some breakfast, got dressed, got him dressed. Left to bring him to school. Came home. My husband happened to be home this day, so I chit chatted with him while I got ready for Women in the Word, a bible study at my church.

Seeing as I am pregnant, I decided before I left I would go potty.

I stood up and yelped. Blood. Oh no.

"What do I do, what do I do???"

Panic.

Ok, first pull your self together, get your pants up and get out of the bathroom.
Hubby at least is calm and says, "Just call your doctor." Ok, ok. Take a breath.

Call the docs office. They tell me a doctor will call me back.

Tick, Tick, Tick.

An hour later no call.

Panic.

Call my mom. She says call them back, don't wait around.

Ok. I go to the bathroom again to see if it was a fluke. More blood, now clots. ACK!

Call the doctor back, tell them I am panicking! They say they don't have an OB on staff today that they have to call one of the docs at home. "SO CALL THEM!" Ok, they will call me back.

Tick, Tick, Tick.

Finally, they call back. "Its fine, happens all the time. Just rest."

SERIOUSLY? I don't even get a call back from the doctor? The receptionist tells me I am fine? Umm, ok.

I feel okay, so LJ and I run off to a store before we pick up the kids. Have the urge to go potty again.
Even MORE blood, a lot more.

Panic!

Didn't even call the docs, rushed off to the Emergency room.
LJ left to get the kids from school so he could drop them off at a friends and join me in case we got bad news.

Hospital searched for a heartbeat.

Panic!

Finally he found it. Utter relief! Checked me out the rest of the way, said he didn't really know where it is coming from, but the baby sounds fine, i can go home. Bed rest for 2 weeks.

LJ calls, says he just got Dakota and is headed to my friends, I tell him I am done and going home. He is irritated, but relieved.

Today is Saturday and I am still spotting, but not as bad as the other day. I still feel fine. Praying it is nothing and Gods will, will be done.

This is my third pregnancy, you would think I would be a pro by now, but I am not. These little things scare me to death! Hoping this is just a little blip in the radar that turns out to be nothing. But I cant help but still being nervous.

First Day of School

WOO HOO! First day of school! Yeah Baby!

Well not really. As excited as I was, I love being with my kids so the first day is always bittersweet for me. Dakota started Kindergarten! Skylar started 5th grade. They are in two different schools, which makes it interesting for picking up and dropping off. Dakota is gonna be late no matter what I do. ::sigh::

So the first day I always take the kids myself. Usually Sky rides the bus. We ran Sky to her class first seeing as she is the closest. She was wicked excited to go back this year. She loves her teacher, and I have a hankering for her too! So she happily made her way into the class found her seat and was over me taking pictures. Ah yes, this is the year that she becomes embarassed of her dear ol mom. ::sigh:: So i gave her mucho kisses - Hey if I am gonna embarass her - I am gonna EMBARASS her! Off to bring Kota man to his first day..

Of course we were late. But hey, so what! I dropped him off and his class was on the way to PE already, so no pics, no kiss, out the door he happily went with his teachers. Okay. Hold it together. BOOOO HOOOOOOO. This momentous occasion cut short cuz we were late. Better luck tomorrow I guess. Sniffle sniffle.

So begins my day child free. I did nothing. i watched the clock til it was time to get them. I am pathetic. I know it will get easier. ::sigh:: What has my life come to?

Fast forward to picking the kids up. I have to run and pick up Kota as fast as possible, because Skys bus comes early and SOMEONE has to be home to get her off the bus! SO I rush to go get Dakota, wait in the car circle line in 95 degree heat with no air. This is gonna be fun. I see him, OMGosh I see him, A big smile on my face. I cant wait to snuggles him! He sees me, MOOOOMMMM he shouts, I wave, impatiently waiting my turn to get him. MOOOOOMMMMM.... Yes baby, just wait one minute. MOMMMMMMM. Awwwwwwww. Yes I get out and run and grab him. I am pathetic! He hugs me so tight, and it makes all my patheticness worth it. He says, HIII MOOOMMMMMM. Hi baby, mommy missed you! BYYYEEE BYEEESSSS. Yes baby, we are going buh byes. Big grin. I love my little man.

Driving home to rush and make it there for Sky to be there. Perfect timing. Had about 10 minutes to get situated before she made it home. I decide I am gonna let her be a big girl and get off the bus herself. The bus pulls up. Dakota runs to the window and says DEEE DEEEEE. Which is what he calls her. So we watch waiting for her to come off the bus all excited. The bus pulls away, no Skylar. PANIC. OMGosh where is my child. I freak out and call the school. I have them looking and calling for her. Here comes bus second time around, I RUNNNNNN out there to get her. She was so upset. The driver was rude. I guess she asked who lived here to raise thier hand. Well Skylar is not one to be outgoing enough to raise her hand and wave it all around. She raised her hand but not enough for the driver to see. Poor thing. What a heck of a first day! My daughter had a panic attack, well not really. I think I was more upset then her. Whew, first day done and over. Now to open the backpacks and fill out all the piles of paperwork. Writers cramp!

So that was our first day! What a fun year this will be! ;)

Birthdays Birthdays Birthdays!

August is filled with birthdays for my family! Including Dakota's and Mine.
This month has been hard for us financially, LJ hasn't had much work recently. But we aren't sinking... YET! So we opted for Dakota's birthday to just have dinner at Mom's, where we combined my brother, Zach and Dakota's birthday parties together! My brother is now 19 ( OMG) and Dakota is now 5 ( Are you kidding me?).

This is crazy to me, because I remember Zach being born like it was yesterday! Lets relive it, shall we.

Mom and I were moving from an apartment to a house. Mom grabbed a way too heavy box to put in the back of the car. Mom screams a blood curdling scream, I thought she saw a cockroach so I jump in to the back of the car saying, "WHAT?!?!?!" She says, " My water broke." OMG. What do we do, what do we do! We drive to the nearest hospital, Suncoast. She gets checked in, my Aunt Cathy comes racing down to be with us. Me and my Aunt pace back and forth in the room trying to remain calm, I am only 13. Mom asks me to check under the sheet, she feels like the baby is coming out. I obey. I lift sheet, I see a head, I freak out! I bolt! I run up and down the hallway looking for a doctor, nurse, janitor, whoever! Run back in room, I saw no one. Aunt Cathy pulls it together and helps deliver baby, I run back into hallway freaked out, found doc and he finished it up. What the heck just happened here!! Zachary Taylor was born on August 15th 1991. I was so excited to be a big sister! He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life! Even if he did look like a raccoon! He had blackened eyes from being stuck 'down there' for so long. But he was precious! And I love him! He will always be my biggest little brother!

Fast forward a few years to 2005. Dakota Lee Merritt was born August 14th, shall we relive it? Sure!

Went to Zachs birthday party at Holiday Inn Sunspree, In St Petersburg. Swam around for a while and complained of Braxton Hicks for hours. Decided to go home, wasn't feeling well. I drove. All the way home. With what I thought was Braxton Hicks. Yeah. So we get home get Sky in bed, Everyone was sleeping. 3am. I sit straight up in bed, its time. I am in intense pain. Went to bathroom. Water hadn't broke yet. So I called the doc. He says I am not ready yet, I say I am. He says if I go to the hospital they will just send me home. I didn't listen. LJ and I packed up and headed out. Dusty was staying with us so he stayed home with Sky. Got to the hospital went to put on my gown, and give a PP sample. It was clear. My water broke on the way. Do I know my body or what?!?! Anyways, I get in the room, everyone is called and comes out to the hospital. I wanted my mom and MIL to be in the room with us, and they allowed it. The anesthesiologist had a heck of a time getting the Epidural in, but finally got it. But I was pumped up with something else too, cuz I saw things, crazy things LOL. Anywho, I kept telling the nurses he was coming, they kept telling me no. I told them, yes. they check me and say no again, he is too high. I feel like he is falling out. Finally my doc shows up and said I am not ready, I say yes I am. He crosses his arms leans against the wall, and says well push then. I say okee dokee. I push. He jumps off wall and says Oh My Gosh, get my scrubs. Dakota was on his way. TOLD YA SO! Dakota was born at 8:04am. He was beautiful, and I knew instantly he had Down Syndrome. I was crying out of pure happiness. Everyone else cried out of fear. I never saw so many tears. They took him out of the room, to check and make sure everything was physically okay with him. People streamed in asking if I was okay. I started to panic, whats wrong with him I kept asking. Finally my mom said, honey he has down syndrome. I said, I know, but whats WRONG with him?? That's it, she said. Relief. They brought him back in and I held him and loved him. The doctor came in, while it was just me and Dakota to fill out his paper work. He asked if I was okay. I said, I am in heaven. He says, you are gonna be a great mom. I smile, look at Dakota and say, thanks!

Then back in 1978, I was born. August 22nd at 10:43am. I have no idea what happened that day, you would have to ask my mom. I do know that I had a head full of jet black hair. And I do know, my mom and dad were very excited. I do know that I was very very loved. And still am.

Ironically enough, I share a birthday with my Aunt Karen, and Dakota shares a birthday with my Aunt Doreen. Both on my Dads side. All these August birthdays had me thinking, what month were we conceived was it a holiday or something. It goes to December, the cold month, Christmas. We were Santa babies! Too funny!

Well that was enough reminiscing for one day! Hope you enjoyed!
Happy Birthday to all you August born out there!

Doctors Visit Number 2ish

Is it just me or do I have THEE worst doctors office ever?

So I went to my OBGYN on the 3rd. The same OBGYN I have seen for like 16 years. Yeah. Well I was so excited because I knew I was getting my first ultrasound. I even switched nights so that I could have Skylar there for this momentous event. Lj took the day off. We were all so over the top thrilled to see this little tic tac on the screen.

So we are in the waiting room bright and early at 8:30am. I packed the kids some food while they waited, a banana and yogurt with a juice box. Skylar spilled her yogurt all over the chair. Thrilling.

• They call me up to the desk for the first time to get my insurance info and the 12 page forms I printed out at home and prefilled out.
• They call me up to the desk for a second time cuz the doc ( see previous post) failed to fax over the referral they said they faxed.
• They called me up to the desk a third time to tell me that my insurance was out of network and I would have to reschedule. That they would call and see if my doctor ( see previous post) would over ride it.

SO I reschedule, get kids in car and start out of the parking lot all disappointed. We were all very disappointed.
I turn on to Central Ave and my phone rings, its my OBGYN, yay I thought they gave the okay I might be able to just turn around!

NOT!

They did not give the okay. I have to go somewhere else. Some where else? But, but, but, no one knows me like they know me...
Tears. While driving.

Get home, contact doctor ( see previous post) to get new referral. Get hung up on. Call back, again ask for referral. Moron receptionist tells me she already faxed it. I explain to her that, that was my regular OB, I need the OB they work with. Moron receptionist tells me like I am two years old: We. Already. Faxed. It. To. The. Doctors. My face gets red. I am angry. I tell her, I understand what you are saying. But you don't understand what I am saying. I cant be seen there. I need an OB you guys work with that will take my insurance. Again she tells me she faxed it. So I say loudly, GREAT, where did you fax it? Cuz I don have a fax machine. So it surely wasn't to me. She gives me a number. It was my regular OB. ::sigh:: So I explain AGAIN! I need a new OB. One that takes my insurance. Moron receptionist says something about Gulfcoast OBGYN, SUPER I shouted, progress! SO I ask for their number and location. I got a number and was told Seminole Blvd. I ask her if she can send a referral there. She says she already did. ::sigh:: I was done with this conversation. SO I kindly said thanks, and let her go.
I call Gulfcoast. Busy. For an hour. Finally get someone on the line and its an answering service. Make an appt. Two more weeks away. August 17th. My first visit. Doubt there will be an ultrasound. Bummed. But I am going to stress, that I feel like I am high risk, so I can go somewhere else. I lay it in the Lords hands. He obviously didn't want me going to my regular place, so here I am. Leaving up to Him once again. Wish that got easier. Still worried. Such is life.

Well that's it for now. Will keep ya posted!

Doctors Visit

So, I went to my primary doctor yesterday to get a referral for my OBGYN. And this is how it went downhill..

First the doctor who appeared to be about 8 months pregnant herself, asked me if I am taking prenatal vitamins... Nope, I cant take them they make me vomit every time. She tells me, i really need to at least take folic acid. I say okay.

She then asks me if I had any complications in any of my other pregnancies. Nope nothing major, but I did mention I had 2 special needs kids. So she says, " What do you mean special needs, like Downs or something?" I say, yep as a matter of fact I do have a son who has down syndrome, and a daughter who has Aspergers.

So she says, oh my, you will need an amniocentesis immediately. And say No thank you. She stopped typing looked up at me like I was a woman with two heads, and says, excuse me? I said, no thank you. She said" are you kidding me?" I say no ma'am. She says why wouldn't you get one, I say why would I. She says, you do know your chances are higher for Down Syndrome, now that you have one. I said yes ma'am. She said, "then i am recommending you get an amnio. I again ( third time) say no thank you. She looks at me in shock and horror. She said" well its your body. I said yep, mine and my unborn childs.

Then she tells me well you need to at least take folic acid to help the brain development. ( this is funny ) Funny, because if my child has down syndrome, its done already, no folic acid is gonna change that. But anyways. I say yes ma'am, I will take the folic acid. ( no I haven't taken it yet).

Then she asks me when my last period was. I say June 11th. She looks at me and throws her pen down. Yes, throws her pen down, and says its too soon to know I am pregnant. I said - my at home test begs to differ. So I had to take a test there. They drew blood. ( called me today to tell me the results were positive, umm duh) She tells me, "IF" I am pregnant then I am 5 weeks, and I say nope, just 4. She looks up and counts in her head and says Whatever.

So I am irritated at this point. And the icing on the cake??

She tells me in " MY ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE" I need to be very careful. WTFFFFF. Since when is 31 old? Did I miss that memo? Is it only allowed to have babies in your 20's? Advanced Maternah who?? Really? Did she just call me old and moldy?

::sigh::

What I got from this appointment:

I am an idiot for wanting & loving my child, down syndrome or not.
I am an idiot for not taking prenatals.
I am an idiot for thinking I am pregnant.
I am an idiot who is old and moldy.
I never even got my referral.


Then as I am leaving she tells me, well we wont have to see you again until the baby is born. I say, Thanks.

Don't think I am going there again....

Well, here it is, the big news...

We are pregnant...

First thing in your mind is probably.. OH NO! Will it have down syndrome?
First thing in our mind.. Praise Jesus, we are pregnant.

To ease your mind, we are not at all worried about down syndrome or aspergers or cerebral palsy or heart defects or cleft palate. Just like any other expectant parent, we are just happy to be pregnant. Whatever happens good or bad is in our Lords hands and we will be praising Him with what we get. On that note, I will not know much about the babies health until further along, and I will NOT be getting an amniocentesis. Not for all the money in the world. Dakota and Skylar are blessings in our life, and given to us for a reason and so shall this child.

We are due around March 18Th. So I should be nice and pleasantly plump and ready to grub on Christmas. Just sayin'. I am not sick with morning sickness yet. ( KNOCK ON WOOD) and am feeling great! There is a lot to be done in the up and coming months, including getting a new car that can hold us all. As some of you know, I have a ford focus hatchback that can barely fit us in it. There is no way I can fit two car seats and Skylar in the back. This will be a sad day as I LOVE my bright orange car. I don't know what we are going to do yet. But I am guessing, ugh, a minivan or something. Something cheap and cheap on gas. We are going to have to get Jude puppy lessons, because right now he is really rough and doesn't know his own strength. And that scares me.

Ok well just wanted to update those who actually read this. Will keep you posted!!

Freedom is not free.

Independence day came and went. We were wondering if it was ever going to stop raining. It did stop for the ten minutes it took for me to drive to the fireworks tent at the last minute. When I got there standing in line with 50 other hopeful people. It started to rain again. I made it home and the rain let up just enough for me to decide to nominate LJ to man the grill for some ribs and sausage. As my husband stood out in the rain, growling under his breath at me for making him go out there... we ran out of propane. Ah yes, this is a typical holiday in our house. If it can go wrong, it most certainly will go wrong.
SO i finished up dinner in the oven. It was still delicious.
At around 9pm we went outside for the extremely over priced fireworks that I bought at the very last minute.
Dakota was scared to death of the booms and bangs. He shook like a leaf. Skylar had her hands over her ears the entire time, complaining it was too loud.
Ahhhh, isnt this great! What a fun time with my family... NOT.
So we hurried thru our measly pile of way too expensive fireworks, so we could get back inside where it wasnt so loud and there were no bugs and we were safe.

Another fourth of July came and went. Happy Independence Day everyone!

Venting...

I can handle you disappointing me,
I can handle you making me wait around,
I can handle you breaking my heart and tearing it into shreds.
But I CANNOT handle you disappointing my daughter, or making her wait around, or breaking her heart.

It just infuriates me that the "new" family is more important to him then his first born. I just want to scream and rant and rave. but I wont. I will remain stoic and strong for my little girls sake. She doesn't belong with him anyways. She belongs with us, the ones who love her unconditionally. All I can do is pray for him, and hope he sees the light one day before its too late. But i fear I have been saying that for the last ten years...

Ok I am done. Thanks!

School's Out for Summer

Ok, So I haven't really kept up with this blog like I wanted to. Truth is, I am just not that exciting! The past couple of weeks have been uneventful, but I am thankful. We had my youngest brother over last weekend to attend church with us, which was totally awesome! He liked it so much he stayed another night to attend Life Group with us! I was stuck tending the little kids, but he says he had a great time and even participated, which is more then I did, my first time! It was so nice getting to spend time with him! We even bought him a new Quest bible, which he seemed REALLY excited about, in fact he barely put it down! Praise Jesus!

Dakota graduated on Wednesday from Preschool at Sexton. It was bittersweet. It is so hard to fathom that he is going to be five years old this year. My little baby is turning into a little boy. Where has the time gone? Skylar successfully finished 4th Grade and is now in her final year of elementary school. Although she did get one "F" on her report card in writing, which we kinda expected. But everything else was A's and B's. I have decided that I am going to do one day a week through out the summer, of some sort of teaching, so that she doesn't lose track. I decided to start today with bible studies that I found online. Today was the story of Abraham and Sarah having a child at age 99. Skylar was reluctant to go outside to do it, but when we got out there and I started reading - she really listened. When I did the study and asked the questions, she got all of them right. It was amazing! She had 2 worksheets to do and happily did them, Dakota had one to do too. He happily colored his. When I said it was time to go back inside, Skylar wanted to finish coloring her worksheet. All I could do was smile, to see God's light shine in them.

We also went to the Taste of Pinellas this weekend, which was hot but filling. I had so much food, I thought I might burst! LJ scored a t shirt from crabby bills. My mom and step dads restaurant had booths there, so we stopped there first and filled up on their stuff. Then as we started out to try other booths I got pooped on. GRRRRR. Stupid seagulls! But all in all it was a great day! With great food!

So that was my last week in a nutshell. Hope yours was equally as pleasant!

Double Digits?? OY!

Happy Birthday to my baby girl... who isnt much a baby any more. She turned ten this past week. Ten years ago at 10:43 AM. I pushed her out like a turd. Ahhhhh, memories! It really seems like a life time ago, but yet seems like it was yesterday. Amazing how that works. She was born in the Navy Hospital on Camp Pendleton, in California. And I knew she was destined for greatness! I mean, I AM her mother afer all ;)

So after the "theme" fiasco, we had a great party. Only a few people came, but that was fine by me, because I hate hosting. Skylar had an awesome time, and I am pretty sure everyone else did too. Minus the few bumps LJ and I hit that day, it all went pretty well. My mom bought a slip and slide and that is when the "real" fun began...

Yes, the adults were a slippin and a sliding...

Ahhhh, summer!

So her birthday went well. As you can see...
She was very thankful for all her gifts. And I hope no one took offense when she disappeared for an hour or so to play by herself with her new toys, its just her Aspergers kicking in... I am embracing it instead of fighting it. I actually thought she was outside playing, until I did a head count. Only to find her, in her room with the door shut, playing with her new bakugan. Ah well, Its her birthday, she can do what she wants.

Hope everyone has a great week!

More then meets the eye...

Thankfully this past week has been pretty uneventful...
Skylars Birthday was yesterday, and she only got one phone call. And that was from my mom. What has the Internet done to us these days? She got a million and one messages on facebook ( which she checks MAYBE once a week). She didn't want to stay home from school, but had to cuz she had a Doctors appt. Did you hear that, let me repeat... She DID NOT want to stay home! I love when that happens! I could just take that teacher and raise her to the Lord! Anyways, we ended up birthday shopping for supplies for her, How to Train a Dragon birthday. So off to Party City we went... guess what.... NO DRAGON STUFF... Of course not. So a quick call to iParty and Walmart, and to no avail - NO DRAGON STUFF. SO we had to change the theme at the last minute, Back to Transformers, which was our original idea anyways. ::sigh:: Thank goodness I had not ordered the cake yet, like I had intended to do first!

Anyways, after buying the store out of party supplies in Transformer theme ( Did I have a daughter? Ok just checking...) We went off to the dollar store, to buy matching supplies cheaper... And then off to McDonalds.. cuz no birthday is ever complete without heartburn! Then off to the quickest docs appt ever known to man, I mean seriously we were in and out of there in 15 minutes! I just had to get some Speech and OT scripts... Then we came home and she went off to her Dads.
Back tracking to Monday, we had dinner with LJ's boss and were kinda worried they were gonna give him the axe, but it wasn't bad and the food was pretty good! MMMMMM cheesecake... Anyways, I have been trying to design a logo for them for the past few days and came up with some good and not so good ones. Wouldn't you know they like the not so good ones. ::sigh:: So now I am waiting to hear from the printer to find out costs and what not... wait a sec here.... when did i get put on the payroll? oh wait I'm not. ::sigh::

Well that's about it for now, sorry this week was so boring, well I am not really sorry, lately, I like boring!
Have a great weekend!Stay tuned for Sky's birthday party Saturday!

So, Its true...

Ahhh Friday! How I love thee...

Yesterday was our appointment with Developmental Pediatrician Dr. Henry Shapiro, All Children's.
We went for our final diagnosis of Skylar. And her diagnosis is:

Aspergers ( a mild form of autism) and Semantic Pragmatic Disorder.

The silence filled the room, the imaginary fist punched me in the gut. I was breathless and in a cold sweat. but why? I knew that's what it was, Why was it still such a surprise? I guess somewhere deep down inside, I was hoping I was just overreacting maybe? I thought maybe, there might be nothing wrong with her, and she really was just a brat? I dunno, what was in the back of my mind, I just know I wanted to cry. Even though I was prepared for the answer.
But I remained stoic, so she wouldn't think I was afraid or upset. Her IQ scores were pretty amazing, as I figured. The doctor told me she needs to be in an ASD class ( Autism Spectrum Disorders). Which is what I have been trying to get. But now with a diagnosis, I have more power. Like this little blue piece of paper is my army. With this, no one can stop me...

Well, now that I have slept on it, I am back to reality. My children are perfectly imperfect. What do I do now? I continue advocating for them, and be the best mom I can be. So that they can have the best life that I can give them. Because society with be rough on them both, and so will the real world. I will do my best to prepare them for the ugliness. So onward I trudge, creating a path for them to follow. I am a Godly mother and they will always be safe in His arms! Thank you Jesus!

P.S.
Dakotas teacher got fired. I shouldn't be gloating about this, but I am sadly ecstatic. She shouldn't have been teaching those children. She belongs somewhere else. So now, I am going to be sending Dakota back to school full time ( at least for the rest of the school year), cuz his new teacher ( who has been at that school for years, teaching the 2nd Grade kids) rocks! This is what advocating for your kids is all about. Making a difference!

How much more can I possibly take?

Ahhh Monday...

I am so not relieved to see you...

So this week is about the same as last. Dakota's leg started feeling much better this week finally! Wednesday I took him down to Shriner's Hospital in Tampa to take a look at his synovitis leg. They told me everything seemed fine and to come back in 6 months to double check. I also asked them about his flat feet and clicking of the hip he likes to do. They told me if his feet do not bother him, then there is nothing that needs to be done. Some people are just born with flat feet. uhh, ok. And the clicking of his hip is fine, kinda like cracking your knuckles and hopefully he will outgrow it. uhhh, ok.

Went to a birthday party on Saturday. ( Shout out to Nate and Brandyn, WOOT) Dakota was feeling fine all morning, and then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He suddenly was pulling on his belly and was burning hot. So strange. I took him home gave him Motrin and Tylenol... hoping the fever would break and be gone. Fast forward to Sunday morning... Dakota woke up still really hot. No church for us, bummer.... He went down for nap at 1pm and slept til 6pm. Figuring rest was all he needed I let him sleep. I really wish I could sleep like that! When he woke up he was covered in a bright red rash, his feet were purple, and I PANICKED. All I could think about was that this had something to do with the synovitis that has been ruining my life ( see previous post). So I waited a bit to see if maybe all that sleeping just made him hot. Much to my dismay, it got worse. So at 9pm LJ and I rushed off to the ER, at All Children's, for our fourth visit in one month. Sigh. Everyone else had the same idea apparently...
After waiting an hour to get vitals, we waited another half an hour for a room. They were so busy, we were put in a trauma room, which was huge. While waiting for the doctor, Dakota and I found a chair with wheels.. I think you know whats coming... YES I did act like a complete idiot just to hear my son laugh, we rolled and spun all over the trauma room... that is, until we got a roommate. So they did a throat swab and blood cultures, to find out he had scarlet fever and strep throat. My poor boy! This kid has been thru so much this month and now this? OY! They administered him some meds thru his IV, and asked us to keep him still... UHHH yeah right! We managed to keep him still for the 30 minute treatment, and got to leave. he is still wicked red today and really cranky. But wont be contagious after today so that is good. I am less then thrilled to see what this week will bring.
Sorry I have no pictures this week, as lack of sleep and motivation are killing me.
Praying for a better week, oh heck lets go big... praying for a better month.

Go AWAY!

So here we are another week later, and toxic synovitis is ruining my life! UGH! Can we say frustrated!! Back to the ER on Friday with Dakota..

we were there all day, just to find out, that the synovitis moved to his right leg. But the doctor said it is much smaller then the one that was in his left leg. Yay, I say very sarcastically. This one seemed to hurt him more. He didn't even want us to move his entire body all day Saturday. Poor kid. He slept most of Sunday away. With the exception of church, where I got to use the family room finally, which is beautiful. And to hear my son sing at the top of his lungs to Hosanna, was amazing! Although, i don't know if anyone else appreciated it ;) He did get up and walk a bit last night, but it is limped. And this morning he woke up crying again, which is not like him. On another note, Skylar was up puking all night long. I don't know if its a bug or something she ate. Although I don't know what she DIDN'T eat last night! She was on a food rampage! We also got a rope swing put out front, made by LJ and Dusty. The kids liked it alot, but it gave them blisters on their hands... hehe

So this week has been another one to be flushed down the drain... And today I am home with both kids, wondering if it will all get better soon...
I am humbled, Lord. Thank you.

The trials of Having a Special Needs Child

So I am going to entitle this blog The trials of having a special needs child. I have already spoken to most of my dear friends on what is going on, and I wasn't going to blog about it, but in the off chance someone needs help with what I have been dealing with, I thought I would put it out there... So here goes...

As read in my previous blog, Dakota has been suffering with toxic synovitis. I decided to send him back to school on Wednesday, after a week and a day of rest. I felt he was able to resume normal activities enough to go to school. And since I would be volunteering at the church that day, I knew if something went wrong, I would only be 5 minutes away. So I drop him off and start explaining to the teacher, whom we shall refer to as Ms. D. and his Asst Teacher whom we shall call Mrs A. As I begin my story to them, Ms. D, rudely shouted to Mrs A to get the kids to the table and feed them breakfast, and she will listen to my story. This rudeness actually rendered me speechless. So i took a second to collect myself and resumed my story, pivoting both to Ms. D and to Mrs A. I personally felt that both teachers should hear what has happened so they both know how best to deal with my child's injury. I specifically told them, he is okay to resume normal activities, but wanted them to keep an eye out for a specific child who pushes others down. I didn't want Dakota pushed down onto his hurt leg. Mrs A even went as far as to ask me if he could go onto the playground and I said yes. So, I left feeling confident that they heard and understood me. So I got in the car and headed to Walmart to grab a soda before headed to church. I called LJ to tell him how rude Ms D was to Mrs A, and how I was slightly offended they did that in front of me. No sooner did I hang up with LJ the school nurse calls and my heart fell to my feet. I thought immediately something happened to Dakota. But I was so very wrong. The nurse says she just got a call from the teacher stating that Dakota couldn't be moved, touched or held, and she was gonna need a doctors note to allow Dakota back in school. Say WHAAAAAT?!?! I never said that! So she said there must be some form of miscommunication. At this point I was angry, I was angry from them fighting in front of me and angry that she didn't hear a word I said. So I asked to be patched over to the principal. I left a voicemail addressing my concerns.
Fast forward to the end of the day. I still ha vent heard from he principal so I marched up to the office and demanded to speak to her. She wasn't available but I go the Asst Principal, which was fine by me. SO i told her everything that had happened this morning. I felt confident that my voice was heard. Onward to pick up Dakota. He was laying in his cot, like everyone else. So I grabbed him and went to go get his backpack from his cubby outside the door. Mrs. A, the assistant followed me. SO i asked her how his day was .... drum roll please... "Oh he did good, HE WAS STRAPPED TO HIS CHAIR ALL DAY" Ohhhhh MYYYYY GOOOOSSSHHHHH. I about fell on the floor. I repeated, " strapped in his chair??" Yep, she said. She said she tried to move him and Ms.D said be careful how you move him, if you break his leg it will be my fault. As I removed the knife that she had just stabbed in my chest, my face started getting redder and redder, I was sooooooo MAD. So i grabbed Dakota and ran to the car to call the Principal back, I left a very very nasty message.
Fast forward to the next morning.I decided to confront the teacher about what happened yesterday and give her the benefit of the doubt. I calmly asked her int he classroom if I can speak with her and she said yes. So I asked her where the miscommunication occurred yesterday. And she said what do I mean. And I said Well I am pretty sure I was clear when I said Dakota could resume normal activities. And then I get a call from the nurse saying he cant be touched moved or held. And she said oh I never said that, THEN she started walking into the hallway, to get the therapist to back her up. The hallway where my already loud voice is amplified, mind you. So she said to the therapist, I never said that right??? The therapist had no idea what was going on and looked like a deer in headlights. So then I asked her, was my son strapped ot a chair all day. And her reply... Who told you that... hmmm she never said NO. I said a few people told me that... She said well who, and I said I'm not going to tell you. So she started panicking. She said her 'supervisor' told her Dakota needed rest. I told her Dakota had a week of rest, I TOLD you he could resume normal activities. And she kept saying her supervisor this, her supervisor that. So I knew a this point it was going no where. I ended it and started to leave... then I heard click click click, I look behind me and the therapist is chasing me down the hall in her heals. She asked if she could speak with me, I said absolutely. She said that in fact, Ms D DID tell her Dakota could not receive therapy due to the fact that he could not be moved held or touched. Now I ask you, Moms out there, if your child could not be moved held or touched, would you send them to school?? I mean do I have idiot written on my forehead?? seriously?? So again I placed another call to the principal.
Fast forward to picking him up that day. As I enter the kindergarten pod, one of the other teachers stops me and says, they moved Mrs A. NOW i WAS REALLY MAD. That was Dakotas favorite teacher of all, he only went potty for her, and he only took naps with her. Now he is in a class room with Liar Liar Pants on fire and some lady he doesn't even know taking Mrs A's place. So that teacher says, don't tell anyone I told you.. and I said no problem. But really I am thinking, "Am I on a hidden TV show?" "Is this really happening??" So I go to pick up Dakota and sure enough no one I know in there except for Ms D. I grabbed Dakota and left. Again calling the principal. I called my mom on the way home soo very upset. And she said enough is enough, call the the superintendent. This was also the advice of my aunt, who had to deal with similar issues when her kids were growing up. So i did. I called Julie Jannessens office the second I got home. She said she would get to the bottom of it.
Fast forward to 8:30PM. I finally get a call from the principal. Her question?? "whats going on?" Oh yeah, I let her have it, I spilled every detail. She said she was aware of the rudeness going on in the classroom, which is why She move Mrs A. She said she was having someone from the state come down and observe the class on Friday. And she said she would be popping in there more often. She also said she was there the day Dakota was strapped in all day, and she said the three times she went in he was not strapped.. I am still not convinced.
Fast forward to the next morning, Friday. I walked in and Dropped off Dakota. Ms D, finally introduced me to her help. ~ Hi nice to meet you, in my so not enthused tone.~ Gave Kota a ton of kisses and left. Fast forward to picking him up. The state worker was there, she came up and introduced herself and mentioned that I had concerns for the class, and that she would like to call me. PERFECT, someone who wants to listen to me! So she is supposed to call me this weekend. Then Dakota comes up to me and sticks out his tongue. For those who know him, he does this when there is something in his mouth, or teeth or on his tongue. So I look in there, to see.. normally its dirt or a hair or a toy. I see blue in his teeth. My first thought is that they had blue cookies or cupcakes or something and its stuck in his teeth. My hear fell when I looked over and everyone was playing with play dough. So i asked, did Dakota eat some play dough. Immediately Ms D said no, he wasn't even near the play dough table. SO i look again, I again said He has blue play dough in his teeth. So Ms D counteracts with ohhhh, he tried to get it, but I got it in time... SO i laugh and say AGAIN... you were unsuccessful HE HAS PLAY DOUGH IN HIS TEETH. SO the new asst says ( to try and lighten the mood) I don't know about you Dakota,, but I prefer red play dough. OY. Get me outta here.

So as it stands right now, I am awaiting a call from the state worker. And I have to keep an extra close eye on my son. he cant tell me what is going on, so I have to be Sherlock Holmes and try to get clues. What kind of life is this??

Motto for this story: Parents, be your child's advocate. if you don't, then who will. Don't be afraid to speak up. The squeaky wheel, will eventually get the grease.

BlogLand

OK OK OK...

So I am behind on Blog World. Seems like everyone is doing it... BUT ME! So I am a natural born slacker, Sue me! No - Dont really do that! But seriously! I have decided to take the plunge, as I don't already have enough on my plate, and I dont promise I will keep up as well as others with filling this bad boy out, especially if they decide to do what everyone else does - when I finally get used to the template they change it all around, and being as I am resistant to change, I stop using it altogether....

But on a more positive note: uhhhh, hmm searching for positivity.... uhhh ERROR ERROR....

My goal is to try and do this weekly, and give you input on the kids and everything that has been going on with us, so those of you who are Facebook Challenged can keep up...
I will try and include pictures when I take them...
I will try and remember everything that happened in a week, even though I cannot remember yesterday and I promise to update with wicked important stuff, more often then a week....

So Lets begin:

This week, we went to the ER at All Childrens twice because Dakota was complaining of leg pain, of course the second visit proved to be the same diagnosis as the first: Toxic Synovitus.. Say Whaaaa?!?! Yeah apparently it is a pediatric arthritic condition, where fluid pockets form in the joints. Now that sounds fun! Uh, not! So today, Monday, he seems to be feeling better, so I am gonna attempt to put him back in school tomorrow.

Skylar won another award this week, for her Yes, I Can Award, that she won last year, apparently she won the state contest too... Go Skylar, Go Skylar. Her teacher from Mt. Vernon Elem., came up to us at church on Sunday and presented it to her. She was beaming, which made me in turn fluff out my chest and walk around strutting ...

LJ and I put up our pool this weekend - not as fun as I imagined it. but reaped the benefits nonetheless. Dakota, Sky and I swam in it with some of my friends... It was cold. Can we say "blue lips" on everyone....BRRR. Ok So solar cover is back on it, and we are hoping to try again soon!

LJ also finished up the fire pit. What is it with men and fire pits?? I mean seriously, must be a caveman thing...

Oh yeah and on Friday we had movie night at the the church. That was fun! Dakota just loves Veggie Tales and it was all you can eat buffet (kinda kid oriented, but filled my guts)

Ok i think I covered everything... See ya next week!

PS, I hope I did this right.... :SIGH: