My Faith - 31 days of Joyful Blessings

Welcome!

Today starts 31 days of Joyful Blessings, where I will be sharing with you the blessings that have changed my life...

I cant possibly start off this journey with out naming #1 most important factor in my life: My faith.

Here is my story:

I grew up in a catholic family, I went to catholic schools. But I never really knew what it was about. I never really took it seriously. I hated going to church - it was so boring. I just went and "existed".  I sang the hymns, I stood, kneeled and sat when supposed to. But there was never any feeling in it. And then my mom got into a horrible relationship. I feel like my life took a sharp left. He abused her... bad... and I watched. I felt like God wasn't there. He wasn't watching over us. He was letting my mom die inside. I hated it, and I hated Him for allowing it. I didn't understand there was a bigger plan working.
Sometimes I like to look back and think, wow, look at what we over came! Its astounding sometimes.
I lived my life as an atheist for a very long time. I had heated battles against Christian friends. And felt like I won them, because I shut them up, they always stopped arguing. But I didn't realize then, that I didn't win and they didn't stop because they had no more to say. I learned that sometimes, as a Christian - you have to digress. I know and understand that now.
Back in 2008, I was going through a very tough time. Financially, mentally, physically. I felt like a no one. A nothing. My husband was out of work. We were so poor. We were about to lose our apartment, we had no food, our electric was getting turned off. We were in a bad spot. I was fighting with my mom, my boyfriend, my kids. This is not where I thought my life was headed. I was so depressed. I thought, if I leave maybe everyone will be happy...
I turned on my internet to check my email to turn on a vacation response, as it was getting shut off the next day, and there was an email from a  friend.  It was simple, just a few words..

"Was thinking of you and felt that I should ask you to come to church."

Keeping in mind, this person never emailed me. We talked on the phone, saw each other in person, but never emailed. Keeping in mind that this person has asked me to church a million times since high school, and stopped asking years ago... Keeping in mind this is the person I would argue faith about all the time.

I laughed at the email and shut off the computer. I started at the screen for a while. and my laughter turned into tears. My boyfriend came out and asked what was wrong. I asked him if he wanted to go to church. He said, "Sure"

I turned back to the computer screen, took a deep breath and turned it back on. I hit reply and entered - Yes. and hit send.

We attended church that Sunday and I didn't burn up in flames! ( I joked about this for months)
Something stirred in me. I cried. A lot.  I felt my burdens and shame leave.

We went back again and again. The first Sunday in June, we attended as usual and the Pastor had spoke his prayer to recommit ourselves to the Lord. I spoke it in my heart and on my lips. And then he asked for those who spoke it - to stand up and profess it to the world. I was thinking NO WAY am I standing up in front of all these people!!  He was scanning the crowd, people were standing left and right. Then the Pastor looked right at me. I felt his eyes burning in my soul! How does he know???  I still sat, he went through the crowd some more, and as he started to look back my way - the Lord gave me a not so gentle push. I jumped out of my seat like a rocket. My Pastor acknowledged me and I collapsed in my seat in a bundle of tears. All the weight of the world left me that day. And I have never felt the same.

Even as hard as it gets, I will never be the same.

As for the rest of the story?

My boyfriend, L.J. and I went to the church for financial help. And we got way more help then that. An associate pastor, agreed to marry us - FREE. In a few weeks!
Marriage! YIKES!!!
His only request was that L.J. live separately from us until the wedding, as God intended it to be. To show we were serious about our commitment.
And we did.
L.J. lived in a place called Calvary house for a month.
We got married December 21, 2009, at my step dads restaurant. In front of family and friends. and of course... God, Himself.

I got a new life that year. Jesus wiped my slate clean with the spilling of his blood a long time ago. But I never felt the impact until then. I never felt thankful until then.

I cannot wait until the day we go to our real home. In heaven.
Wont you join me there?
Its never too late!