Perfect....

My children - 31 Days of Joyful Blessings

My children.

Skylar, Dakota and Eli.

Oh man. I have been not looking forward to this post. How can I possibly convey how I feel about my children. How can I possibly explain to cyber world, just how much they mean to me???

I moved to California in May 1999. My ex was in the Marine Corp and was stationed on Camp Pendleton. I was scared, excited, nervous, and in love. It was hard out there with out my family and I was so far from home. I found work as a manager at a local Sub Shop and quickly made a mini family. I got pregnant in August 1999 ( on my 21st birthday). Again I was excited, nervous, scared and in love... We were so young and knew each other, but didnt really know each other, if that makes sense... I had known him since high school but never really got to know him as a boyfriend...  But regardless we were about to bring a child into the world and so we decided to get married.  Our wedding happened on March 11, 2000. Skylar came flying into the world on May 19th, two days before her due date.  I have never experienced such love for someone I had never met! She was an angel sent from heaven.... then we got discharged and the colic began... I was so lonely and wanted my family so bad.  My ex husband sent back to Florida to help me in June. Skylar was 6 weeks old. I moved in with my mom for a few months and got the help and love I needed. Then I moved into an apartment that my ex mother in law owned so she could help out too. My ex moved back to Florida in October 2000. And we tried to have a healthy relationship for Skylar and it just didnt work. We split in June of 2002.

L.J. and I were together for 3 years before we tried for Dakota. We tried for a few months and got pregnant. There was nothing abnormal about my pregnancy. All the testing looked good. I did fail the AFP at a 1:174 chance of Down Syndrome and at the time that seemed like such a far off number but looking back, it is still a pretty good chance. I wasnt given the abortion talk, but it was lingering there waiting for my reply...  I said no to the amnio - it didnt matter to me. My baby is my baby no matter what... I went into labor at my oldest brothers birthday party.. The contractions began in the pool... I thought they were fake, but they hurt enough for us to leave the party.  I drove home tensing up every ten minutes or so.  I put Sky to bed and laid down.  About 3am, it was time. Dakota came flying into this world on August 14, 2005. His Down Syndrome scared a lot of people, but not me. I was ready. He was wanted. And loved.

L.J. and I tried for Eli for a year. We had just about given up and decided two kids is enough. When suddenly one week, I just knew I was pregnant. I took 5 cheap tests that all came back negative.  I told LJ that I swear I am pregnant and decided to fork over the cash for the expensive test. LJ didnt think I was right so he laid out on the recliner waiting for me to take it. I went to the bath room. And there it was. The second line I KNEW would be there. I came running out - pants around my ankles in tears!!  He jumped up, nearly collapsing the recliner. Ahhhh memories! Eli was my trouble pregnancy, I had lots of bleeding and pain with him. But I survived and he joined us in this crazy world on March 9, 2011....

These kids, these very different experiences  their very different personalities. They are forever in my heart. I cant imagine my life without them, honestly! They mean the world to me and I feel so blessed that God chose me to be their mom! I know they have so much more to teach me and I cant wait to learn! I adore watching them grow and seeing how they are becoming who they are!

Stay tuned for more of our antics!

My mom chose Life!

My Husband - 31 days of Joyful Blessings

My Husband.

Ever wonder where I met my husband?
On the Internet.
Yep, we are one of those couples.

I had just started working for a new Internet company. Where we scoured the Internet for hours, built websites and did some online shopping. It just seemed natural to look for dates as well.

Whats funny is that my husband was so annoying on the Internet, I actually had deleted him from my friends list a few times because he was weird. I am completely serious! He lived with his step mom and two step sisters and they would change their font to a rainbow color and when he popped up it would be in rainbow lettering. I was like, what is up with this dude.. What guy writes in rainbow? HAHA
Then he tells me, he thinks he is good looking because his sisters told him so... Ummm, wait, what??
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Then he pops up and tells me he is moving back to New York. Umm, ok. Bye. Delete.
Then he pops up and tells me he stayed. OY!!

So, I was headed to a birthday party at some club for a friend on a particular night in December, and he popped up and asked if I wanted to meet. I figured, well if I don't like him, I can use the excuse of the party to leave. No problem!! So I said, lets do it! Lets meet up!

I drove to his house around 8pm. I wasn't nervous, because honestly, I figured I would be leaving in a few minutes. I had no high hopes with this one.

I stayed 4 hours. I missed the party.

The second he walked out the door, something in me stirred. I felt like a school girl. He wasn't perfect, but I loved that. He was funny and charming. I felt like I knew him forever and I felt like we never stopped talking. There was no awkwardness and it just felt so natural. We sat outside under the stars on a porch swing and chatted the night away...

I left wondering if he felt the spark, the connection that I felt. I wondered if I would ever see him again...

He called the very next day.

And the rest is history.... Noooooo just kidding, there is more...

He moved in with me about a month later. But I was living in an apartment owned by my ex husbands mother. So my ex was always around. It was hard on LJ to have that lingering baggage nearby, but instead of talking about it, LJ up and left. He wrote me a letter. A letter? I was infuriated.  He ended up moving back to New York. I thought I would never see him again.

That was in early February.

Some day in early April, a familiar name popped up on my computer at work.
It was LJ. My heart stopped.

He wanted to call me. And he did. I held back tears as he told me he was glad he left, but he did miss my daughter and I. He told me how well things were going and how he still wanted to be friends. I just agreed and let him go...

Later that night he called me at home, in tears. He wanted to come back, he missed us so bad, he made a huge mistake - yadda yadda....

Both of us in tears opted to try again.

He moved back a few weeks later, and we got our own apartment. Away from the ex's.

And the rest is history -  for real this time.

I knew from the moment I met him, that there was something. Something I cant put my finger on. But that spark, that flame, the thing they always talk about in movies, I had that! We have that! I love him as much today as the first moment I met him. And its exciting!!

Yes he irritates me, yes he makes stupid decisions, yes he is weird. But he is perfectly imperfect, and that's what I love.

I am so blessed to have found him. And I love him to the moon and back!

I do not Suffer...

Whats your Super Power?

My Parents - 31 days of Joyful Blessings

Day 2 -

My Mom and Dad.
They are a huge part of becoming the woman, sister, mother, wife, that I am today.

I dont know where I would be with out them! I feel so blessed that God choose this particular set of parents for me. I am their only child together. But I was meant to be here. I was meant to be theirs.

And even though I was raised in a single mother home, I still learned important things from each side of my family. And for that I will always be eternally grateful.
I can only hope that I can instill all the love and affection into my children that was given to me.

I hear stories from friends about how they hate their parents, or never even knew them. I cant even begin to imagine my life with out my mom or my dad.

My mom is seriously my best friend! We may not always agree, but when it all comes down to it, I would not trust anyone else with my secrets or problems. She is my rock! She always seems to have the answer. She always seems to know what to do or what to say. She is strong and independent and so very amazing. She works her butt off for us kids! And now her home is almost an empty nest. Which I know she is secretly dreading. Because she is that awesome of a mom.  She treats my kids as if her own, but with out over stepping those "Grammie" boundaries, and I appreciate that!! I love you Mommy!!

My dad is a huge part of my life, even if I dont talk to him often. He is half of who I am. And I love him. He has some faults but there will never be a day that I dont love and appreciate him.  I know that he knows I love him so much and will be there for him if he should ever need me. Hopefully one day soon, he can meet his youngest grandson and re-meet his other grandkids as well....

And I can write this post without writing about my step parents...

My step mother who was always a driving force of my laughter when I visited my dad. She was wild and crazy and could sing the heck out of a Patsy Cline song! She was a crazy driver, but always had my best interests in mind. Even if it made me sit at a table to eat my green beans - that I used to hate. Or ot buy me that cool flashy toy cuz I pitched a fit.  She was always there for me, and on my side and I appreciate that!

My step dad. I cant believe he stuck around! LOL!!  When he started dating my mom he had to deal with my teenage angst. Poor guy! But he has become such a father figure to me. If I ever needed anything he was there. He is such a kind hearted man! And my kids take to him like glue! I know that if I ever needed ANYTHING, he would find a way to make it happen.  He is by no means a perfect man, but he is a perfect dad! And I mean that! So thank you for all the times you had to put up with my antics. Thank you for caring enough about me to make me think of you as a father. There arent enough words of appreciation for you!